Figuring out if someone is romantically interested in you can feel like trying to solve an elaborate, high-stakes psychological puzzle. The question of how relationships even truly begin in the modern era is often complex. Clearly, many individuals deliberately start a connection through online dating, where intentions are transparent from the start: you are both there explicitly to date. But if you meet someone organically in real life, or, more complexly, already have an established friendship, how do you determine if they like-like you, or just, well, like you in a purely platonic sense? Even though we spend decades of our lives obsessing over these subtle clues and trying to decode crushing behavior, most of us still feel completely unsure about figuring out non-platonic interest.
The context drastically changes the risk assessment. When you meet someone at a bar, a conference, or online and have no prior history, it’s relatively easy to approach the situation with confidence. You can ask standard get-to-know-you questions between drinks and feel genuine surprise at their answers. But when you’re already friends with someone, you know all the crucial details: where they grew up, their surprising dart skills, or how they bake the best brownies. There’s far less neutral ground to cover when you start to flirt. Furthermore, the stakes are dramatically higher because you already share a valuable history. If you attempt a kiss or make a move and the romantic feelings aren’t reciprocated, it doesn’t just mean a total moment of embarrassment—that move could lead to the definitive, absolute collapse of a perfectly good, important friendship.
If you develop a crush on a co-worker, the potential for confusion is even greater: Are they being overly friendly because they secretly want to date you, or are they just meticulously maintaining professional courtesy and a positive work environment? Do they message you incessantly because they want to marry you and have forty children, or are they just wondering what you want on the office Chipotle order? How is any human being supposed to figure this out with certainty?
Take a deep breath. We can sort this out. If you already know you harbor strong romantic feelings for someone, the necessary next step is to determine if that interest is fundamentally mutual. Fortunately, the human body and mind are notoriously poor at concealing deep desire, meaning there are reliable, almost scientific, non-verbal methods for assessing the situation. Your crush is constantly broadcasting their interest, and it’s simply a matter of learning how to tune in. Here are twelve incredibly dependable signs that someone is especially into you:
I. The Investigative Signals: Memory and Pursuit
A person with a crush invests mental energy into you. They use their memory and attention to maintain proximity and gather data.
1. They Retain Small Details You Mention
The human brain prioritizes information based on emotional significance. People often remember far more specifics about conversations with a crush, partly because they’ve probably been fixating on those details, unconsciously searching for clues that you might be interested. Simply appearing engaged in a conversation is easy, especially via text, but remembering tiny, seemingly unimportant details is very telling.
Did you complain last week about your new standing desk making your heels sore? You might have forgotten the comment entirely. But when this person remembers, sends you a specific link to anti-fatigue mats, and offers a discount through their office account? They’re definitely, scientifically into you. This action signals that you occupy mental real estate even when you aren’t together.
2. They Actively Seek Out Reasons to Talk
A person with a crush operates with subtle, laser-like focus, constantly scanning the environment for an opening. They will use the slightest opportunity to initiate conversation, however trivial the topic. They use subtle, almost invisible excuses to break the physical or social distance.
For example, they might find you across a crowded room and then praise the cookies you brought (which you know are store-bought, totally average, and utterly unworthy of praise). It’s clear they weren’t homemade, a fact you both giggle over. But the critical point is: They needed an easy, non-threatening topic to start a conversation. They found it in your bold attempt to pass off a store-bought item as baked goods. In fact, they probably find that charming detail endearing, because right now, everything you do is adorable, because this person has a crush on you.
3. They Consistently Start the Conversation
This is simple, but an incredibly reliable signal of sustained interest and courage. We all know the anxious feeling when you see your crush log on to a chat and you deliberately ignore them, trying to act cool, while secretly hoping they message you first. If the other person always, or nearly always, initiates the contact, they are demonstrably more interested in you (and arguably more courageous than you are). If someone routinely sends the first text, tags you in a post, or flags you down at social gatherings, it’s a profound indication that they like you. It’s a fundamental investment of effort.
4. They Subtly Reference You on Social Media
Social media both enriches and dramatically complicates our lives—and it absolutely confuses the dating process by creating ambiguity. But if both you and your crush are active online, their true feelings can be subtly, accidentally revealed. When you have a crush, you become intensely aware of their online presence, and yours will probably give away their interest at some point.
For example, let’s say you go on a self-indulgent Spotify spree, playing every single Gin Blossoms song you can find from the 90s. A few minutes later, the Object of Your Affection just happens to post a YouTube link to a scene from Empire Records that features a Gin Blossoms track. It seems someone is trying to tap directly into your line of sight and interests. I realize this requires you to pay an intense amount of attention to their social media activity, and you’re right. But that’s precisely what you do when you’re in deep crush mode.
II. The Behavioral Signals: Prioritization and Presence
When a crush is present, they prioritize the time you spend together over external distractions and even over their established social groups.
5. They Prefer One-on-One Time Over Group Hangs
This signal is obvious, but it is too crucial not to mention, as it is a direct behavioral vote for intimacy over platonic ease. If they are frequently turning down larger, lower-pressure group activities in favor of solo, one-on-one time with you, they are likely ready to move the relationship forward into romantic territory. Group settings are safe; solo time is a risk and a choice. (In fact, if you’re already hanging out alone all the time, you might already be dating without having defined it. You should look into that.)
6. They Don’t Look at Their Phone
Few actions communicate, “Hmm… I wonder what I could be doing right now that would be better than this,” quite as loudly as pulling out a phone during a conversation. Of course, genuine work emails or true emergencies happen, but considering the widespread addiction to mobile devices, most people will disconnect completely and intentionally when they are genuinely captivated by the person they’re with. When you’re together, all their attention, focus, and energy is directed entirely on you. They wouldn’t idly scroll through social media unless you physically stepped away to grab a second round of drinks.
7. They Address Your Needs in Small Ways
A person with a crush is hyper-aware of your minor inconveniences and needs. Whether you are alone or with a group, they will consistently orient their life and energy toward making things easier for you. They tend to suggest meeting up near your home or office, signaling convenience for you. Did you mention in passing that your keychain was broken? Oh, look who just picked one up “because it was right next to the checkout and they remembered yours was broken, and it’s kind of cute or whatever, no big deal.” They are not only thinking about you when you aren’t together, but they are converting that thought into thoughtful, unsolicited action.
8. They Offer to Drive or Pay
This behavior is a subtle, traditional signal of care and investment. Your friends love you a lot (as they should), but unless you are a terrifying driver or recently lost your job, they probably aren’t automatically volunteering to be your chauffeur or consistently picking up the entire tab for every outing. If a friend suddenly seems much more willing than usual to treat you or handle the logistics when you hang out, it could be a subtle (if slightly old-fashioned) way of showing deeper, protective interest and signaling a willingness to invest resources in the connection.
III. The Involuntary Signals: Body Language and Anxiety
The final set of signals are involuntary. They are the physiological and psychological “leakage” that the person cannot consciously control, often manifesting as visible nervousness.
9. They Fidget with Their Hair
This is Body Language Basics 101 and one of the most classic signs of nervous excitement in the presence of a crush. This action could be related to nervous energy, a subconscious attempt to appear busy, or a subtle, reflexive way of showing off their hair to you—a form of “peacocking” to draw your attention. Or maybe they genuinely wish they remembered a hair tie that morning. Regardless, they probably only care about their appearance because of your presence. The fidgeting signals that you are having an active, visible effect on their nervous system.
10. They Appear Flustered or Nervous
The anxiety we feel around a crush stays consistent from childhood onward. Most human beings feel a serious, palpable case of nerves—a sympathetic nervous system response—when they are in close proximity to someone they are crushing on. The next time you are talking to the person who might be interested, notice if they seem unusually clumsy, drop things, or lose track of what they were saying mid-sentence. It’s endearing, confusing, and a reliable gauge of their anxiety level. And unless you happen to be chatting while tightrope walking, you have to wonder where those nerves are originating.
11. You Catch Them Social Media Stalking You
This is the ultimate, accidental confirmation of interest. Wait—did they just Like and then immediately Unlike a photo you posted months ago? Yes, they probably did. Because they were diligently looking through your old posts (your “archives,” as they are known). And they accidentally clicked where they didn’t mean to, then quickly tried to erase the evidence so you wouldn’t know they were deep in your history, because, duh, then you’d know they were completely smitten and desperate to marry you. If they didn’t have a crush on you, they wouldn’t feel embarrassed or frantic getting caught “creeping.” This is just those flustered nerves flaring up again, coupled with guilt over their digital investigation.
IV. The Final, Adult Signal: Direct Communication
12. They Will Actually Tell You (Eventually)
While all the nervous feelings and subtle signals remain constant, adults have one crucial advantage that kids do not: We are (sometimes, maybe) mature enough to pursue what we want with courage. This means it is entirely possible that while you are worrying over whether or not someone is interested in you, they will simply tell you, plainly, and without mixed signals. It takes immense courage to put yourself out there and risk rejection, but as emotionally mature adults, it’s the healthiest habit we should all strive to develop.
However, the reality is that there is a high chance the person with a crush on you might never explicitly state it, choosing instead to hide behind the safety of the twelve subtle signals. That’s fine, but that’s also a definitive sign of hesitation—and who has time for that prolonged uncertainty?
Which, by the way, means you might want to consider being straightforward with them about your own feelings. You know what is undeniably attractive and universally appealing? Confidence. Find some for yourself and don’t settle for someone who won’t do the same. The knowledge is now yours; the choice to act on it is the final signal.
