et’s be real: Most media (and the male gaze) has made us think that sex has to include some form of penetration. But the truth of the matter is that you 100% do not need penetration in order to have a roaring good time in the bedroom. In fact, more and more folks are realizing how fabulous sex can be without P-in-V or D-in-B — you just need to get a wee bit creative.
To help get those sexy wheels turning, Elite Daily chatted with sex educator and Ph.D. candidate Javay Frye and psychotherapist Rachel Wright. Both shed some light so that you can shed some clothes. (Or not! With non-penetrative sex positions, it’s totally up to you.)
The Roller Coaster
In the mood for a high-thrill ride? In this position, one partner sits behind the other and wraps their legs around them, almost as if they’re forming a giant bear hug.
“The person in the back can then stimulate the chest, play with their partner’s genitals, or give a sensual massage,” says Frye. The end result is a pleasure-filled, intimate experience that allows the receiver to kick back and enjoy.
Outercourse Missionary
Missionary may have a reputation as one of the more boring sex positions, but it can actually be an incredible way to foster intimacy and closeness with your partner. Outercourse Missionary accomplishes a similar energy exchange to missionary, but you know, without the intercourse.
“The positioning is just as simple as it sounds: Find your way into missionary, clothes on or off,” says Wright. “Next, kiss while you grind, hump, or find whatever feels best for your bodies.”
Lube And Boob
Known to some as “titty-f*cking,” the lube and boob isn’t just for teenagers. If you or your partner has a penis and/or boobs, the Lube and Boob can be an excellent way to watch one another experience pleasure from an entirely new angle.
Have a penis-owning partner sit on one partner’s chest, then apply lube to the space between the breasts of the person laying down. It’s a fantastic sensation for the penis owner and a sexy view for the person on their back.
The Sexy Massage
OK — so this isn’t a sex position per se, but it is an extremely erotic way to connect with one another’s bodies. Take turns laying flat on your stomach, while one partner sits on top of the other’s butt or alongside their body. (Whatever feels most comfortable to you!) Use massage oil or a hot massage candle (NOT a regular candle) and lube up your partner’s back.
Remember: This is a sexy massage, so don’t be afraid to slowly start massaging your partner’s genitals. The relaxing element of this position can put the receiver in a deeply receptive state, which adds some fun power dynamics to playtime.
The Cheeky Monkey
Booty lovers to the front! Wright notes that this position is a fun way to explore anal play without any full-blown penetration. To execute the Cheeky Monkey, one partner lays down on their belly on a bed or other flat surface. The other partner can lay on top of them so their genitals are against their partner’s booty.
If you have a penis or strap-on, you can lube up and slide in between your partner’s butt cheeks. Wright adds that she thinks this position is best when the person on top is facing the feet of the person laying down.
Side-By-Side 69
Let’s be real: 69 isn’t everyone’s favorite position. For some, it can be awkward or unrealistic to lay on top of one other. Enter, side-by-side 69. In this position, both partners are in 69 positions, but laying on their sides.
This allows you to spend less energy trying to prop yourself up, and more exploring one another’s pleasure points. And remember: If you have trouble multitasking, you can take turns going all out. Find the best rhythm that works for you.
The Looking Glass
Mutual masturbation can be hot AF. If you’re looking to explore your voyeuristic (and exhibitionist) side, this position might become your new fave. You and your partner both sit directly across from one another and masturbate while watching one another.
“I love this position because it gives both partners front-and-center views as you devour one another’s pleasure with your eyes,” notes Frye.
Criss-Cross Applesauce
A variation on the position above, criss-cross applesauce takes mutual masturbation to the next level by having you and your partner straddle one another. You still get the satisfaction of playing with yourself, but you’ll also get that skin-on-skin contact that can help you exchange one another’s erotic energy.
If you’re looking to add toys to the mix, Frye notes that this position works extremely well when paired with a flexible, double-ended dildo.
The Spork
Sporking is the new spooning! To execute, have one partner lie on their back and place their elbows and hands underneath them so they’re at a slight angle.
Have the other partner lean over and use their genitals, mouth, or hands to pleasure the partner laying down. It’s also a super easy position for incorporating sex toys, so don’t be afraid to get crafty with a vibe of your choice.
Toy Test Run
Similar to The Looking Glass, the Toy Test Run involves mutual masturbation, but with a twist. Challenge one another to buy the other person a sex toy — whatever you think your partner might like. Then, gift one another the toys and take turns using them on yourselves… and then each other. Not only can this be a fun game for your relationship, but it can also teach you both more about new pleasure points and how to communicate your sexual desires. (And adding to your sexual toy box is pretty fun, too.)
Regardless of what you try, remember that sex positions do not need to include anything fancy. The key is for you to experiment and find what feels good for you and your body — penetration totally optional.
Experts:
Javay Frye, sex educator and Ph.D. candidate
Rachel Wright, psychotherapist
Madison Errichiello’s Perfect Match Is Herself
She’s filling in all the blanks Netflix didn’t show, including why the finale felt so “weird.”
After a loveless journey on Love Is Blind Season 8, Madison Errichiello finally found her fairy-tale romance on Season 3 of Perfect Match. But she had to deal with a disastrous fling, an isolating house, and some tricky twists to find her knight in shining armor. Even then, Errichiello tells Elite Daily that the show cut her love story with Freddie Powell prematurely short, and she addresses those rumors that he’s moved on with another contestant.
Errichiello and Powell’s drama-free connection brought them all the way to the Perfect Match finale, but in a new twist, the couple was suddenly eliminated for failing a Newlywed Game-style contest. She isn’t a huge fan of this decision.
“I was upset because it didn’t feel like a compatibility challenge,” the 29-year-old artist from Minnesota says. “The questions were really vague and weird, and a lot of it was based on memory.” She and Powell were eliminated for apparently not remembering where their first kiss took place. “What they said was our first kiss was absolutely not our first kiss,” she says. “It was our first kiss on camera.”
After filming ended, Errichiello and Powell ended things due to long distance, although she still carries a lot of love for how the Manchester native was there for her when she felt nobody else was. “Freddie was my safe person in that house,” she says. “I had a lot of walls up, and slowly over time, Freddie softened me, and I’m really thankful for that.”
Since the breakup, rumors have bubbled up that Powell may be dating fellow contestant Lucy Syed. Errichiello can clear up that gossip. Below, she reveals the truth about what wasn’t shown on Perfect Match, and what’s really being going on in the year since filming.
Elite Daily: After not having the best time on Love Is Blind, what convinced you to do Perfect Match?
Madison Errichiello: I was very ready to start the journey of finding my person, but then I didn’t have a great love story on Love Is Blind. So, I wrapped filming for that, and then I got a call about Perfect Match right after. Love Is Blind hadn’t even aired yet, so I wasn’t super traumatized at that point, and I thought I could have more fun with this one. Perfect Match is less serious; there’s not all this pressure to get engaged. Less trauma dumping, more fun make-out sessions.
ED: You’ve spoken about how surprised you were that Love Is Blind never mentioned your bisexuality. It also doesn’t come up on Perfect Match. How did you feel about that?
ME: When I was in casting for Perfect Match, I was like, “I would really love to have options between both women and men.” They were cool with that. But then, coming into the house, it was very clear to me that these women did not also like women. The most that happened was someone was like, “Oh, yeah, maybe I’d make out with a girl,” but in that male-centered way of like “Oh, I’m going to make out with you because men like when women make out with each other.” That’s just super not my vibe. So I knew right away I wasn’t getting a queer love story.
ED: Did you talk about your sexuality with the other contestants?
ME: A few different times. The girls would joke about matching up with each other, and I was like, “I genuinely would do that.” But I got the second-best option, and I matched up with a man who was written by a woman.
ED: You’ve mentioned they didn’t show a date you went on with Freddie toward the end. Are there more moments you were surprised got cut from the show?
ME: I’ve seen quite a lot of people talk about how it seemed like Freddie was not as into me as I was into him, but they didn’t really show everything he was doing. He wrote me a note when he got sent out of the house that Rachel [Recchia] gave me the next morning, and there was the date that he planned after the final challenge. He put clues all over the house, and I had to go find them like a scavenger hunt, and it led up to the fire pit, where he had art supplies, and he drew a portrait of me.
ED: I know a lot of your tension with Cody Wright was also not seen in the final edit. How did you feel about that?
ME: I was pretty shocked that they boiled that down to me saying he had bad breath, because that was never the reason we weren’t a match. It looks like I’m just all of a sudden disgusted by him. But I was genuinely so honest with Cody throughout the whole process. He wanted to be super locked in, and I was just like, “I don’t know. I think we should keep our options open. We don’t know each other.”
ED: You made a video series on TikTok in which you say Cody orchestrated a smear campaign to turn the whole house against you. It sounded like he was mostly bad-mouthing you to the guys, but did he also turn the other women against you?
ME: A lot of the time, if the man didn’t like me, the girls would follow suit. Because these men were their partners. They were amicable for the most part, but it definitely still affected my relationship with them. That was really difficult for me.
ED: Were you able to develop any sort of closeness with the other women?
ME: At the end of the day, I’m always going to be there for the girls. When Freddie got sent out of the house, Rachel was a really big support system for me. She was incredibly kind. I would go into her room and just sit there while she got ready. Lucy was really kind to me as well.
ED: When Freddie had to leave the house, were you aware that he would eventually be brought back?
ME: Yeah, they told us, “Down the road, you’ll be able to see this person and match with them again.” But we didn’t know how much time that would be. It turned out to be three or four days.
ED: If they had truly eliminated Freddie and he didn’t come back, would you have left the show?
ME: Absolutely.
ED: If you and Freddie made it to the final vote, do you think you could have won?
ME: Yeah, I think we could have won. After the votes, a lot of people came up to me and were like, “We were all going to vote for you.”
ED: That’s kind of surprising, since you’ve talked about feeling so isolated from everyone. Do you feel the rest of the cast had seen through how Cody had painted you by then?
ME: Yes. There was a point at the girls mixer where I called him out. I was like, “This is embarrassing. You’re so focused on me to the point where you can’t find another match. I’ve moved on; you need to move on.” I think that’s when people started to see it, plus the fact that Freddie and I were so nondrama.
ED: How did things unfold with you and Freddie once filming was done?
ME: We had a couple of days in Mexico before we both flew home. When he got back, it was constant work. We’d be FaceTiming at night, and he’d be so tired after he got home that he’d be falling asleep, and I’d be like, “It’s OK, you can go to bed.”
I had booked a ticket to visit him around Halloween of last year. The next day, I called him, and he was like, “Hey, actually, I’ve been thinking about it, and I don’t know that I can do distance. This is already too hard on me. You’re still welcome to come, but I want to let you know that before you come.” And I canceled my ticket. Obviously, I was sad and I had a lot of questions, but ultimately I had to respect his needs.
ED: There are rumors that Freddie is dating Lucy now. Do you know if that’s true?
ME: They’re just friends. Freddie’s been really communicative with me through this process if he sees things that aren’t true. I don’t know if it’s a PR thing for them and that’s why they’re not speaking out on it, but Freddie has assured me that it’s not true.
ED: How would you feel if he did start dating someone from this cast?
ME: I would want to know before everyone else knows — it’s all about communication. I will always want him to be happy, and I’ll never get in the way of that. It would be hard, but I would be supportive.
ED: You’ve made it clear you’re done with dating shows, but what if you were approached to do a queer one?
ME: I don’t think one exists outside of The Ultimatum: Queer Love, which I would never go on. But I have definitely been pressing for more queer dating shows, and I’d love to host a show.
ED: What’s the main lesson you’ve learned through these reality dating experiences?
ME: Self-love. Whether you’re getting praise or negative feedback, just knowing yourself and knowing you did the best you could is the biggest thing.
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
