Ella Ruth Francis grew up in a household that defies traditional notions of family — one shaped by two mothers and two fathers. Yet, despite the unconventional structure, Francis describes her upbringing as loving, stable, and, in many ways, “just as boring and normal” as that of any other child.
Her family story begins at UC Berkeley, where one of her mothers, known as Mom “C,” met Dad “P.” Both were openly gay dancers at the time, and their mutual passion for dance sparked a friendship that would endure long after college. While their bond remained close, both found love with other partners: C with Mom “M,” and P with Dad “J.”
When Francis’ mothers decided they wanted children, they were determined to ensure that their children would grow up with both maternal and paternal influences. They approached their longtime friends, Dad P and his husband J, about the idea of co-parenting, creating a unique four-parent household committed to shared responsibility and support.
Francis recalls that, growing up, the arrangement sometimes drew curious glances and questions from peers and strangers. Yet, the household functioned like any other, grounded in love, structure, and shared values. “People expect our family to be chaotic or unconventional in a dramatic way,” she said, “but really, they’re just regular parents who happen to love in a different configuration.”
The experience shaped Francis’ perspective on family, identity, and the meaning of parenthood. It also highlighted the ways in which love and commitment, rather than traditional labels, define the bonds that sustain a household.
With everyone on board, Mom “M” went on to have a set of twin girls with Dad “P.” “She is a few years older, so she ended up getting pregnant first, and since Dad P was already going to be first, they kept that arrangement,” Francis said exclusively.
Originally, her parents had planned for three children, but when the twins arrived, they decided it was important that all three siblings share a biological connection. In line with that plan, Mom “C” and Dad “P” welcomed Francis three years later.
Now 28 and living in New York City, Francis reflects on her upbringing with a sense of closeness and normalcy. Despite having different mothers, she says she has “only ever called them my sisters, never ‘half.’ Because that’s how we were raised.”
Mom “C” and Mom “M” served as Francis’ primary caregivers, spending each day with the girls. During their childhood, the family lived in San Francisco, while their fathers’ careers kept them based in Los Angeles.
“We didn’t travel back and forth too often during the school year, but we would spend long stretches of the summer at our dads’ house in LA,” Francis explained. “Our dads also made a point to visit us in San Francisco at least once a month, often more during our early childhood.”
Despite the distance, family traditions remained consistent. Birthdays and holidays were always celebrated together: the dads typically hosted Thanksgiving, while the moms took the lead at Christmas. Once a year, all seven family members went on a vacation together, reinforcing their bond.
Francis emphasizes that even though she and her sisters didn’t live near their fathers, the connection remained strong. “They all have different strengths, so I turned to different parents for different things. Mom M is incredible at navigating tough emotional conversations, while Dad J is brutally honest. Mom C excels at problem-solving, and Dad P has a gift for making friends,” she shared.
Each of Francis’ parents had a voice in major decisions, and while disagreements occasionally arose, she says she and her sisters were never caught in the middle. The family’s focus remained steadfastly on the well-being of the three children.
“I never once doubted that I was loved or wanted,” Francis emphasizes. “My siblings and I were brought into the world with so much intention and care, and that translated to how our parents raised us, too. There was always someone I could go to. It was definitely hard to feel neglected.”
Growing up in San Francisco—a city with a rich history of queer activism and culture—Francis says her family generally felt understood and welcomed.
“Even if people didn’t understand it right away, they caught on pretty quick and were supportive,” she recalls. “What has been really beautiful, as I’ve gotten older, is how many queer people have found inspiration from my family and realized that something they maybe didn’t think was possible is actually a reality.”
While some online have expressed curiosity about her unique family structure, Francis is quick to reassure that, at their core, her parents are just as “boring and normal” as any other.
“I think people assume gay families come with some kind of agenda,” she explains. “My parents were always so clear that we could be or do anything. They never forced us to subscribe to any ideology beyond treating others with love and respect.”
Francis recognizes that diverse family structures have always existed and sees them as an essential part of society’s richness.
“If we were all raised the same way and had the same experiences, the world would go silent because we would have nothing to talk about,” she says. “If a kid has gay or queer parents, it’s because those people made a conscious decision to parent and love that child. How could that ever be a bad thing?”
For Francis, family has never been about rigid structures, but about unconditional love and care. Growing up surrounded by that kind of support made it natural for her to form strong, meaningful connections rooted in actions and mutual respect.
“My parents set this amazing example of collaboration that still guides how I act today,” she says. “It has made me more empathetic and aware of those around me and how I can show up for them.”
When it comes to her own identity, Francis says she has known who she was since the age of six.
“I was allowed and encouraged to be loud, dramatic, and joyful—and because of that, I grew up knowing what I wanted and also what I could give to others,” she tells . “I’m forever proud and grateful to have been raised by four weird, wonderful, driven, queer people. I love them.”
