Rather than risk damaging her academic record, Muthart made the difficult choice to step away from school for a while.
Speaking to Cosmopolitan, she revealed that addiction was something that ran in her family, stating: “I actively avoided what I considered more serious drugs.”
Feeling betrayed by the friend who gave it to her, she decided to quit her job to distance herself from him.
Not long after, she started using Xanax, a drug known for its calming effects that help reduce anxiety and promote relaxation.
Looking back on that time, she told Cosmopolitan: “I remembered the way I felt on the laced weed and sought that kind of peace again.”
Embarrassed by the visible wounds, she started missing work, eventually leading to her being fired.
“So, after Thanksgiving, when I was feeling particularly lonely, I smoked meth with a friend. Within two months, I progressed to snorting it, then shooting it as often as I could by myself or with friends.”
She told her mother she was in control, avoiding conversations about her condition. However, she eventually agreed to meet her.
During their meeting, Muthart’s mother secretly recorded their conversation, capturing her saying that the world was “too evil.” Her mom believed this would be enough proof to obtain a court order to have her committed.
She recalled: “It was then I remember thinking that someone had to sacrifice something important to right the world, and that person was me,”
Believing she had to act, she used her fingers to gouge out her own eyes, pressing her thumb, pointer, and middle finger into each socket.
The meth dulled the pain, allowing her to carry out the gruesome act.
Emergency responders arrived at the scene, sedated her, and airlifted her to Greenville Memorial Hospital in South Carolina.
During her week-long stay in the hospital, she was offered pain medication, but she only accepted it once or twice. Determined to stay clean, she refused most of the drugs.
She reflected on her journey, saying: “It took losing my sight to get me back on the right path, but from the bottom of my heart, I’m so glad I’m here.”
