Entrepreneur Ben Lowe said there are warning signs that often go unnoticed because they do not look dramatic enough for people to take seriously.
That can make the problem easier to ignore, especially when the person still appears to be working, socializing, and keeping their life together from the outside.
“The version most men picture when they hear the word addict, is the man who’s lost everything, can’t hold a job or keep a relationship together,” Lowe said.
But he thinks plenty of people struggling with alcohol have become skilled at hiding how much they rely on it. That can allow them to keep up appearances and act as though nothing is wrong.
That means the person may still go to work, look after family, pay bills, and keep up social plans, even while alcohol is causing harm behind the scenes.
Because they may not look like they are falling apart, friends, family, and even the person themselves can find it easier to brush off the warning signs.
“Alcohol abuse can sometimes be confusing and difficult to spot, especially if a person appears to be capable of doing everything they need to maintain core aspects of their lives. They may perform well at work, have a pristine appearance and enjoy an active social life. While they may seem OK to the outside world, it’s likely that warning signs and symptoms are appearing elsewhere.”
Lowe, a men’s leadership coach and the founder of Intochange Coaching, said being called a high functioning alcoholic “is nothing to be proud of.”
“It just means the consequences haven’t caught up yet,” the content creator said.
In other words, the damage may already be happening at home, in relationships, or in a person’s mental health before it becomes obvious to everyone else.
What are the signs of a high functioning alcoholic?
Lowe went on to explain the signs of a high functioning addict that many people “miss or minimise because none of them look dramatic enough to take seriously.”
Not being honest
Lowe sees lying about how much alcohol you drink as a major red flag, especially when the lie comes out almost without thinking.
“Not deliberately, just automatically, because the honest number feels like more of an admission than he’s ready to make,” he wrote in a post shared to Facebook.
Drinking at every occasion
If “every situation involves alcohol,” Lowe said that should also raise concern. It may start to look normal, but the pattern can show how much someone has come to lean on drinking.
“Dinner, stress, time with the kids, after work, celebration, disappointment,” he said. “It’s become the emotional punctuation for every part of his day and he stopped noticing when that happened.”
When alcohol becomes part of every mood, event, or daily routine, it can stop feeling like a choice and start becoming the default response to life.
Comparison
Lowe said another warning sign is when someone compares themselves to a person who drinks more or seems worse, then uses that as proof they are fine.
“That’s not a measurement of health,” the coach said. “That’s a measurement of how low the bar has gotten.”
Defensiveness
He also pointed to defensiveness as a red flag. If someone reacts badly when alcohol is mentioned, or cannot relax without drinking, Lowe believes that may show the first drink is less about enjoyment and more about relief from anxiety.
They never stop
Lowe also said it is worth paying attention if someone keeps insisting they “can stop anytime” but never actually does.
Emotionally checked out
The seventh warning sign, according to the content creator, is when someone is physically present but emotionally elsewhere.
That can show up as distance, silence, distraction, or a lack of real connection, even when the person is sitting right there with their family or partner.
Feeling the distance grow
Lastly, Lowe said that if you feel like you are walking on eggshells around someone, or you can feel distance growing because alcohol keeps getting in the way, it may point to a deeper problem.
“You don’t need to lose your job or your house for this to be a problem,” Lowe added. “High functioning addiction kills trust, respect and leadership at home long before it touches anything external.”
His point is that the damage does not always begin with job loss, money trouble, or a public crisis. Sometimes it starts quietly, with trust and respect fading inside the home.
Other signs of a high functioning alcoholic
The Priory also lists several other common signs that someone may be a high functioning alcoholic, including:
- Drinking alone, drinking in secret, or drinking at unusual times of day
- Explaining alcohol use as a reward, treat, or way to celebrate
- Claiming that drinking expensive alcohol proves they do not have an addiction
- Feeling unable to socialize without alcohol, or avoiding events where alcohol is not involved
- Having blackouts or struggling to remember nights or days after heavy drinking
- Using alcohol to cope with stress, anxiety, trauma, depression, grief, or loss
- Joking about heavy drinking, brushing it off, or becoming angry and defensive when challenged
- Becoming aggressive, short-tempered, or impulsive after drinking
- Hiding alcohol in private places, such as a car, shed, clothing, or garage
- Becoming restless or irritable if they cannot drink for a day or two
- Building a higher tolerance, meaning they need more alcohol to feel the same effects
- Having withdrawal symptoms when they stop drinking, such as nausea, headaches, tiredness, shaking, shivering, or vivid dreams
Please drink responsibly. If you want to talk about alcohol-related issues in confidence, contact Drinkline on 0300 123 1110, 9am–8pm weekdays and 11am–4pm weekends, for advice and support.
