JACKSON, Miss. (WLBT) – Carsyn Davis is a 9-year-old, straight-A student at Barack H. Obama Magnet Elementary School with big interests. She plays basketball, plays the piano, draws and is now a published author.
Carsyn’s book, Our Own League: Growing Up with Jacob, is Carsyn’s passion piece born from her desire to explain her life with her 16-year-old brother, Jacob, who is autistic.
Books on parenting autistic children and adolescents are often more easily accessible than a picture book geared toward siblings of autistic children.
Carsyn’s book is her personal experience, taken from her own therapy journal, that has been reworked into an easily accessible picture book for elementary school-aged children. This is a sibling perspective focused on feelings, patience, and kindness.
The book aims to help kids and adults better understand autism, including educational pages on the differences between a tantrum and a meltdown and what overstimulation can look like — while reminding readers that “kindness gets you far.”
“I just wanted to let other people know how my experience was growing up with him… It’s okay to express their feelings,” Carsyn said.
So, who is Carsyn?
Carsyn, just like many 9-year-old girls, reaches for the stars. She has straight-A grades at a school that is ranked No. 3 among Mississippi elementary schools. She is enrolled in basketball and piano lessons. She loves to read with Big Nate and Dog Man as some of her favorites. She has won two pageant competitions in the Jackson metro.
She also says that she wants to be a doctor, a basketball player, and compete in pageants when she grows up.
Carsyn’s mom, Catrina Davis, says, “What you have to know about Carsyn is she is into a little bit of everything.”
Catrina says that she and her husband, Ricardo, want to always foster an environment where Carsyn can try new things and find things she loves.
One of her most recent passions has been writing Our Own League: Growing Up with Jacob.
The making of the book
Carsyn’s book began as a therapy journal.
After a loss in the family, Catrina says that Carsyn began to close herself off.
“Because she’s so mature, she would hide how she felt. And so, months after it happened, I would talk to her, and it got to a point to where I felt, ‘Okay, I feel like she’s doing okay,’ and I kind of backed off of it,” said Catrina.
Catrina then received a call from Carsyn’s teacher saying that she had requested to go to the school counselor and was becoming emotional at school.
“Carsyn would not say anything about it. I’d pick her up from school, and she wouldn’t mention it at all. And usually she tells me everything,” Catrina said.
Seeing that her daughter needed extra support, she enrolled her in grief counseling.
Part of Carsyn’s grief counseling was to create a journal and write out her feelings.
Catrina stated, “I started encouraging her to, write it down, write about it. If you’re not comfortable talking about it, at least write it down.”
Carsyn was already interested in writing and drawing, so as she started her journal and became more comfortable, she began showing her mom some of her writing.
As her mom read her pages on her relationship with her brother, her mom felt that many children may benefit from reading a book that shows the love and understanding of being a sibling to an autistic person.
“This might be something good for you to share with others,” Catrina said. “Just like with grief, you see that now from therapy that there are other children who feel the same way you feel. And same thing with your sibling, I’m sure there are others who need that support.”
Carsyn and her mom worked together to create the book. Carsyn says she would write her pages, and then her mom would suggest edits for clarity and understanding.
“I would write a couple of pages,” Carsyn said. “Then … she would make suggestions, tell me what I should add, what I should keep, and what I should take out.”
The message behind the story
Carsyn explained that she wrote the story to share her experiences as a neurotypical sibling to a brother with limited communication.
Her passion lies in sharing her experience and encouraging others to express their feelings.
Catrina highlighted how people with autism can struggle to communicate their wants and needs, sometimes leading to what is called a meltdown.
A meltdown in autism is when an autistic person is overwhelmed by feelings, sensory overload, an out-of-control reaction or a mix of all three.
Carsyn’s book has a page showing the differences between a tantrum and a meltdown in autism.
With limited communication, Carsyn says that the biggest thing that her brother has taught her is that you don’t need words to say “I love you.”
Pages like this one in Carsyn’s book show that patience and understanding are necessary because of the limited communication.
The reality—hard moments and boundaries
Living with an autistic person comes with its own set of challenges, which this book does not shy away from.
Carsyn and Catrina talked about how sometimes the family can’t go to certain places due to potential meltdowns or overstimulation.
Catrina says that the family has to find a balance.
“She [Carsyn] has her time. We have our family time, and then he has time… but you have to find a balance. You have to make time for the neurotypical child as well. It’s hard, because especially with Jacob, with his delays and such, it’s a full-time job. It really is.”
Catrina says that having a support system in place is the most important part of making their family system work.
“It’s my husband and I and Carsyn in the household, but my sister, my mom, my brother-in-law, they all chip in and help out. So, in those times when we aren’t able to go somewhere or take him, because his needs and him being overstimulated, we’ll bring him here [to a family member’s house], and they’ll watch him,” Catrina said.
Catrina went on to say, “Having a support system behind you and leaning on them… Sometimes when it’s autism, or it’s special needs parents, you’re scared to ask for help or to lean on people because you worry about your children, but you have to have some help.”
And Carsyn also needs that support system, the same as her parents.
Carsyn has two best friends from early childhood with whom she took ballet classes. Both of the girls kept up communication with her and even wore matching shirts with her to an Autism Awareness Month celebration event.
Carsyn also says that her favorite thing to do when she needs extra support is getting cookies and cream ice cream from Mayday Ice Cream in Jackson.
Catrina is a special education teacher in the metro and brought attention to the difficulties of working in a field with autism and also being a mom to an autistic child.
“Leaving work and then having to come home and still show him that same patience, it can be challenging sometimes, especially after you’ve dealt with it all day at work.”
Having patience is the biggest skill that Carsyn feels living with Jacob has taught her.
Catrina also said that patience is a big skill that she has learned.
This is also connected to Jacob having limited communication.
“Sometimes when he does have the meltdowns and things like that, it’s because he can’t express to you what it is that he wants or what he needs. And so, we have to be really understanding of that. You can only imagine how frustrating it is to want to communicate something to someone, and they may not be able to understand what it is that you want.”
Catrina said her biggest passion since becoming a mother of an autistic child is de-stigmatizing autism and people with autism.
“My biggest thing has been trying to make others more accepting,” Catrina said.
Catrina explained how, after the book came out, she took it to the school where she teaches. After showing some of her students and explaining that her son has autism, one of her students said that Jacob didn’t “look like he had autism.”
When Catrina asked the student what an autistic person “looks like,” the student couldn’t quite explain what they meant.
Catrina says that she then explained to them what autism is and used the book as a teaching tool.
Catrina explained that as Jacob has grown older, people in public places may be more likely to notice him having autism.
“When he was younger, it was not as bad unless somebody actually tried to hold a conversation with him because he ‘doesn’t look autistic.’”
Catrina says that Jacob is often stared at in public places like the grocery store.
“What do we do, Carsyn, if somebody stares?” Catrina asked.
Carsyn replied, saying, “We say, ‘Tell them, hey, Jacob!’”
Catrina explained that sometimes, people stare and they don’t even realize they’re staring.
“We want them to know, it’s impolite,” Catrina said. “He’s a friendly and cool kid.”
Advocacy and inclusion
The goal of releasing the book was to foster understanding and kindness toward autistic individuals.
Catrina, as a special education professional, noted the gaps in autism understanding, even in education.
This became even more apparent when Jacob entered the public school system in kindergarten.
“I was blown away by how uneducated they [teachers at Jacob’s school] were about autism. It was mind-boggling. In that day and age, they knew very little.”
Catrina ended up having Jacob’s ABA therapist come into his school and educate the staff on autism and his needs.
“I ended up having to bring in his therapist to train them. On the ins and outs of why he does certain things and what he can control and what he can’t control and how to deal with those things.”
Catrina says that even years later, with Jacob in high school, if someone doesn’t have regular contact with him or other special needs students, they struggle understanding their needs.
“I was reminded that this is our norm,” Catrina said. “If we weren’t exposed to autism daily, we wouldn’t be as knowledgeable either.”
However, Jacob has been in the same school for several years now. Catrina says that he is in a self-contained class and his teachers are amazing. The school he is enrolled in even has a “buddy program” for autistic teens.
Every year, during Catrina’s IEP meeting, she would tell the administration of the school that she wanted Jacob to interact more with students in regular classes.
“I understand academically, he can’t be in certain classes, or it wouldn’t serve him any purpose, but gym and lunch and whatever, I want him exposed to them [non-disabled students]. It’s a two-way street because I can’t expect for him to understand or to abide by the social norms if he’s never around those non-disabled peers. But then twofold, I want them to interact and be comfortable with him.”
Starting this school year, the school began a buddy program that matches every student in the special needs class with a peer in general classes.
“Each of the kids in his class, they’re partnered with a non-disabled peer. So, they kind of get them out into the school, and they do little activities together,” Catrina explained.
Faith and a new program at church
But it’s not just schools that need spaces and understanding for special needs individuals.
Catrina is working with their church, Jackson Revival Center Church, to start a children’s church for special needs children and teens.
The church has a children’s ministry already, but Catrina is working with their church leadership to create a low-stimulating space for special needs children.
“We have children’s church for children her age and then the teenagers. So, now we want a place where those children who have special needs, who are overstimulated in those areas, have a place where they can worship as well,” Catrina said.
Catrina and Carsyn are both using their experiences at home to widen understanding and kindness toward people with autism and special needs.
“What do I tell you all the time? What makes you special? What makes our family special?” Catrina asked Carsyn.
“That God chose our family to be the family of Jacob, and he chose us. He gave us everything we needed to be the best, to be a good family to Jacob,” Carsyn replied.
Carsyn’s message to other kids (and to siblings)
Carsyn wants other kids her age to know that they can express themselves and turn their interests into something bigger.
“If you’re interested in drawing, you can start selling your drawings or you can make a coloring book. Just a little hobby, make it into a full-time thing.”
As for siblings of autistic or special needs kids, Carsyn wants to say that expressing your feelings is okay.
“It’s okay to let people know how you feel,” Carsyn said. “We’re all human. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your sibling. It’s just expressing your feelings to others.”
Through participating in pagaents and writing the book, Carsyn has created CLASS: Children Learning and Advocating for Special Needs Siblings.
CLASS is Carsyn’s foundation that offers “support, friendship, and a place to share feelings” for siblings of special needs individuals.
Carsyn says that having her support system of her parents and friends makes her feel more comfortable opening up and expressing her feelings.
Next steps and how to buy the book
Carsyn is already thinking of her next book, focused on grief and continuing to grow.
Carsyn wants her readers to know that “kindness gets you far” and that her brother has taught her that you don’t need words to say I love you.
If you want to read Carsyn’s book and see her perspective on having a sibling with autism, you can purchase a copy on Amazon in digital and print editions.
If you want to purchase a copy in person, Carsyn also has a book signing scheduled at Lagniappe Trading Post’s Spring Market in Flowood on May 9 from 8 a.m. to 4 p.m.
You can also find her on Facebook as Carsyn E. Davis.
